Happiness Lives in the Body

Especially when the body is surfing at Black's Beach at sunset on a warm summers evening with dolphins cavorting outside the break and pelicans swooping across the surf. Happiness is having the energy to catch wave after wave and wipe out, get smacked in the jaw by my board, taste the warm ocean water on my skin and feel my muscles working with joy.

All the best things in life involve touch and smell and exerting my body. I love the climb up the hill, smelling the sweet sage on the bluffs and listening to my breath coming hard and heavy as my thigh muscles power me up the hill.

Happiness doesn't come often enough but when it comes, it is all there as if every moment of life felt this fantastic.

The Listening Gathering

Two years ago, en route to the Arkansas gathering, I decided that I would spend most of time my time listening. I was coming in late, not bringing much and figured I wouldn't have any major projects to deal with so I would sit and listen to what others had to say. Well Arkansas was full of mud and while I spent some time listening, it wasn't until this year that I got my listening gathering.

From formal councils to informal circles, I listened. Main Council. Shanti Sena Council. Hearing the message of the Hopi woman. Shitter digging parties. It was beautiful and I listened a lot. Seems like at this point in my life, listening is what I need to be doing.

The World of Online Dating

Given my limited opportunities to mingle with members of the opposite sex, I've been making fores into the world of online dating. It's all very troubling for a woman whose total dating experience consists of one ill fated date in high school (details not for public consumption). Since high school, I've met partners while living life and things have just clicked. Until recently that is.

Now I'm middle aged and it's harder to meet men in the normal course of my day. I won't date anyone I work with, I have a very limited social life so I don't get out much these days, and all the men I have crushes on don't know about my feelings - and sometimes I don't know. Some of them I've had crushes on for 10 years (through other relationships) so at this point, I'm not sure if I'm just used to having a crush on them or if I still really feel attracted.

I don't know how to flirt anymore and I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing and my once upon a time awesome body ain't what it used to be. If any of you out there have landed at this point in your life and you want to share war stories, I'm all ears.