I Finished the Novel - Now What?

I finished my novel, Falling From the Moon, in June and September is almost a memory. In June and July I gave copies of the book to a few trusted friends to read, hoping to get some feedback. I've been working on the novel for years and years and years and no one had read the entire book cover to cover and I definitely wanted to clean up the typos, grammar issues and matters of choreography before trying to show it to someone who might actually want to publish it.

Yes, that is the goal. As much as I was compelled to keep writing the book even when I was sick of it and wanted to escape from its clutch, I always knew that someday I would try to get it published.

So I'm waiting on my friends, hint hint, to return their copies with lots of pen marks on the page. I've registered for the La Jolla Writers Conference in November and my deadline to have my synopsis and first twelve pages in their post office box is October 1st - so I better get hustling.

I've been trapped in synopsis hell, learning how to be concise, cover the basic plots points and be a bit of a tease so I can leave prospective agents hungry for more. This conference asked for a one page synopsis and after slaving over it for days, I think I have a one page draft.

In the meantime, I'm reading the novel myself and scribbling all over the printed page so I guess my triumphant June post wasn't so climatic after all. But this last draft is mostly sentence changes and minor edits. I hope to be done with this verion by November 1st.

Wish me luck!

How Riding the Bus Saved Me from a Nervous Breakdown

Every morning when I wake up, I'm already behind on my to-do list and before I've even had breakfast, my stress level is through the roof. My brain knows that if I take a few minutes to sit quietly, I'll feel more relaxed, but once I'm loosing my sanity, it's hard for me to figure out how to sit still. Not to mention, trying to find a moment between trips to the potty, phone calls and the endless stream of work related messages to my crackberry, relaxation seems as out of reach as Jupiter.

Yet the moment the bus arrives at the bus stop and I climb on board, everything stops. I can pull out my book and read, watch the boats on the water as we zoom by on the freeway, edit my novel, or just eavesdrop on the conversations of excited teenagers wrapped up in what Bob said to Sally or other simple problems. My heart slows down and I can make notes on what I need to do or think or how I'm feeling. I can do nothing. Today I wished the trip was longer. Thirty minutes after climbing on board, I was off and speed walking through the streets to my office tower overlooking San Diego Harbor. Now I'm anticipating the journey home so I can get back to working on the synopsis of my novel I need to have done by Friday for the La Jolla Writers Conference in November.

Hail to the Number 30 Bus - my savior.

Global Warming, the Price of Energy & Obesity

Seems to me there's a direct correlation between the three and the lower the price of energy the more energy we consume, hence the more we contribute to global warming and the fatter we get. Yupe I said it: FAT! We are a nation of fat people and I'm no exception. I won't insult with you statistics as I know you hear the stats weekly if not daily.

The United States is the fattest nation on earth and we are in the top tier of per capitia energy consumption depending on the study. Our share of global warming is by far the biggest share because we act like consuming lots of oil and getting fat is in our best interests. Where the f&#@k did that idea come from? I could point fingers at mass market advertising that has brainwashed half the country into thinking that the more Big Macs they buy and the more they drive around in a gigantic pickup truck the sexier they will be or the bigger their d^&ks will get or the more popular they will be , but it's all b&*ls&^t. Shouldn't high school drama be reserved for those in grades nine to twelve?

What about putting the logic on the table?

Higher energy costs cause people to minimize oil (gas, coal, nuclear, etc) energy and use human energy. The more we use human energy to do the tasks that need doing in our lives, the more calories we burn. We loose weight, get in shape, have fewer heart attacks and strokes, and get to meet our neighbors.

The less oil/gas/coal/nuclear energy we use, the more we slow down the temperature increase that is happening. YES GW: Global Warming is caused by human beings burning non-human sources of energy. The more we relay on human energy, the more we make friends to help us carry, lift, haul, build and walk. The more friends we have the happier we will be (according to health study after health study).

This talk about finding cheap sources of energy is like trying to eat more and still loose weight. It ain't gonna happen.

As the old saying goes, "you can't get something for nothing."

Salt Water, Strong Arms and the Quest to Save the Planet

Today was the 17th Annual Paddle for Clean Water - an awesome event put together by San Diego Surfrider. The basic premise is we want clean ocean water and we're willing to paddle around the Ocean Beach Pier (about 3/4 of a mile) to make our voices heard. I'm not sure how long I've been participating, probably since the second or third paddle.

One day many years ago (back in the early nineties), I was surfing in Pacific Beach and when I exited the water this man handed me a flyer and asked me to participate in the upcoming paddle. I tried to explain to him that I suck as a surfer, catching a wave seems as much luck as anything, and no one needed me cluttering up the surf.

He was undetered. His mission: increase female participation in the event. For those who don't remember, there weren't too many women surfing back then and I guess even fewer participating in the paddle. We spoke for a while and I told him I would think about it. For reasons I can't fathom, I went that year and paddled out in a crowd of people hooting and hollering and drumming on their boards to let the world know that clean water is our birth right and we're here to be loud and proud. I got goosebumps from the collective energy and the unity between a group, which normally flies solo, joining arms for the future.

To this day I still do the paddle and I'm still friends with Tom. Only this year, the water is full of women. Two year old girls riding on their daddy's boards, grandma's and retirees laughing and gliding through the water with the love of the ocean shining in their eyes. Young women paddling up a storm and Moms paddling alongside their children. It's hard and I love it. As long as I can paddle around the OB Pier with six hundred or one thousand people, who are tired of pollution, then I know I'm alive. I'll be sore tomorrow, but for tonight if you missed the twelve foot wooden boards from the fifties, the beautiful tattoos, or the smiles on so many faces, you missed out on what community feels like.

Barak Obama on the Environment

I want to throw up. American politics suck. The candidate of the people is Cynthia McKinney - the green woman running for president. She's my candidate of choice and the candidate who espouses "Leave the oil in the soil." Now you, I and the lamppost on the corner know, she won't be living in the White House anytime soon. The power money political machine has this country too tightly harnessed for a progressive candidate. I'll be voting for Cynthia because quite frankly, I want a woman president, I want a progressive president, and I want a president who understands that our future won't come from clinging to our destructive childish ways of living, but from exploring new options and letting that good old American ingenuity run with new energy, extreme sonservation and revamped manufacturing processes. We can't compete with Asia playing old games, but we're damn good at inventing new games.

So what does this have to do with Barak and the environment? I don't claim to know what's in the man's heart, but based on what's being said out there on the campaign trail, Mr. Obama now supports drilling for oil (wars in the Middle East), extraction of clean coal (destruction of communities and black lung disease) and nuclear power (able to destroy entire regions in a single bound). WHAT THE FUCK! I thought we, as a country, were starting to realize that energy conservation and renewable energy were the ways to provide security for the American people.

So in spite of my initial excitement at Mr. Obama's nomination by the Democratic party, I guess the song remains the same, big money wins, and the United States is going to continue it's downward spiral. Are there any job openings for a database administrator in Chile?

How personal is the political?

Looking back on writers like Anais Nin and the women's movement of the late sixties and into the seventies, a common mantra was the personal is political and if you examine the personal closely enough, you find the common humanity of all.

As I watch the media staged events that are the campaign for president of the United States, I've started to reframe my own life. For the last nine and a half years, I've been looking at all my problems as my own personal failure to be able to juggle full time work, full time caregiving, and part time projects such as writing, environmental activism not to mention a social life. But listening to some of the speeches floating around, I am beginning to wonder, if there might not be a balance that comes from the direction the President is supposed to provide our country. So I wonder, if for the last eight years we'd had a president who wasn't a spoiled little rich brat, maybe somehow my life would be easier.

Maybe, a descent paying 75% job would be available, because in this job market, it's either work fifty hours a week at a livable wage or work thirty hours a week at the same wage I earned in nineteen eighty. Maybe, there would be health care without a co-pay for calling your doctor on the phone. Maybe, the caregiving burden I am taking off the government's back would be recognized for something - either earnings towards my own retirement or caregiving subsidies. Maybe I would be making more in real terms now than I was twenty five years ago. Maybe we would have had a president who was smarter than me and could come up with ways to lift a burden placed on my shoulders by the failed health care systems.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'm to blame. After all, I could just work and care for my mom, not try to save a creek or write a novel or organize my community. Maybe if I was happy working for a corporation so the CEO could vacation in the Bahamas every year, I wouldn't feel so frustrated with my options.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those crack pot dreamers who thinks that there is a way for people to live fulfilling lives, love and be loved, to follow their bliss and still support themselves, and that maybe, just maybe, my hard work will help someone else someday, somehow. That's been an unpopular belief these last eight years. I hope it won't be forever.

To my sister who blazed that trail ~~ RIP Shirley Chisholm ~~ you will not be forgotten. And to all those who have come since, don't forget whose shoulders you're standing on.

La Jolla Shores by Moonlight

Too often I complain and whine about my life: the lack of sleep, the lack of friends, the lack of sex; but sometimes I am reminded of miracles.

Yesterday, I worked my day job from 8 AM to 6 PM then went off to a consulting gig with with a company by Miramar. Yesterday was also the first time in over a year that I had a regular caregiver working on a Wednesday evenings.

I finished with my consulting meeting by 7:30 PM and heading home I realized that La Jolla Shores was on the way home - how sweet is that? Of course I had a swimsuit and towel in my car so I pulled on into the parking lot as the last traces of the orange sky was lingering on the water. After changing into my suit, I walked the length of the beach, very slowly, trying to remember to breath and walk with my shoulders back and my pelvis tucked in to lengthen my spine. (My yoga teacher would be proud.)

Then about 8:15, when the only light on the water was the hideous flood lights from the Beach and Tennis Club to the north of me and the perfectly shaped crescent moon, I slide into water. The sea was warm, the waves mellow and it was the perfect reminder that despite all the things wrong with my life, there are occasional high points.

As I swam I thought about the poor people who have never been night swimming in a moon glow ocean or who have some place like La Jolla Shores to stop by on the way home from work.